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The current period marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the words this generation is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {